Shirley Kay, Ed.D., NCC
with Penny Gladhill at Camp Caring 2009

one of Shirley's favorite songs

The inimitable Dr.Shirley Kay – My initial reaction (Ellen Sirkis)

Compelling because of her strength and credibility, Shirley had the unique ability to take in the most minute details of her surroundings, people, activities and attitudes while quietly sitting down as if she were merely resting.

An economy of words was her style: direct, clear, short. She asked for clarification from people, never assuming anything, not what they meant nor what they wanted.

The greatest impact she had on people throughout her life came from her conviction to do the right thing, also called tzedakah. Her conviction to inspire and motivate people to act on the potential she knew existed in them, especially when they were unaware or unsure of it themselves. She was the embodiment of the bulldog tenacity and the wisdom of Winston Churchill, who said, “Never give in…never, NEVER, N E V E R, N  E  V  E  R -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense.” That was Mom, Nan, Dr. Kay, and Shirley!

She somehow made everyone want to please her and take a risk by doing their best, whatever the right thing was, whether the task was simple or complex.

She kept the big picture in her mind but broke it down into detailed manageable tasks for those with whom she worked, making their responsibilities doable and reinforcing their ability and pride.

No pep talks, no speeches, but what she did say was clear and direct and motivating. She did not talk to hear the sound of her own voice, nor did she appreciate or tolerate other people’s doing it.

A woman of strong opinions, she was nevertheless willing to listen to subordinates and be flexible when it did not impede attaining the goal. She was a listener who put forth her whole self as she took in feelings, ideas, and information from others.

If you wanted to know Shirley’s opinion, you most generally had to ask a specific question of her. And frequently that opinion would come in the form of a question she would ask you.

Strength beyond any usual and customary strength! Shirley’s absolute determination to help children expressed itself in many ways. Camp Caring, a weekend experience to support grieving children, was her baby. Even when she was ill and hurting, she came to meetings and made things happen. 

Her vast knowledge was another strength, but the most potent of all was her vast network of first, her family, then Hospice Caring, volunteers, former students, colleagues, and friends whom she would enlist by sheer force of her strong bonds with people. When Shirley believed in the worth of a goal, nothing would deter her. She counted on and took great pride in the support and active participation of her whole family, Rick and Becky, Larry and Meredith, and all of her beloved and adoring grandchildren.

Nobody was immune; if she thought that you could help, then you would get a call and somehow that magnetizing force of her will would make you want to take on the task. And do it very, very well.

Self-aggrandizement was another behavior that Shirley had no use for. And when she received a compliment, she shrugged it off.

Unquestionably the role of matriarch, mother, facilitator, counselor, critic, and confidant to her tenaciously loved sons, adored daughters-in-law, and to her most precious treasures, her grandchildren was the prime focus and greatest joy in Shirley’s life.

 The pride she felt in all of them and their achievements would frequently just “pop” up in any casual conversation.

The mutual love and respect they share will always be a richly treasured part of their lives. Precious, indelible memories…are our inheritance from Shirley. Mostly she wanted us to learn from them.